One of the few non-work related rituals of my life pertain to calling up my folks back home and hearing their voice. Mama (my mom) frets as usual. One of my latest conversations went haywire like this.
English translation follows....tring tring..
Me: Hello mama, Appu here.
Mama: Hi Appu, How are you?
Me: How are you? Am Okay.
Mama: What have you cooked today?
Me: Nothing, just woke up!
Mama: You must stop eating junk food.
Me: ?
Mama: I am extremely worried about your hair loss.
Mama: It must be Saturday there. Why don't you go to gym?
Now I lag with my answers....
Me: Am thinking I will become bald, shiny bald.
Mama: I know somebody who knows somebody who can help with the hair loss.
Vain attempt to change topic ---
Me: How's everybody else doing?
Mama: You must cook your own food?
Me: I think I like my job very much.
Mama: You have to control your weight.
TRAPPED...the only way out.....I'll call you later, bye, goodnight
.....
Ever since I left home, (it's been 10 years) I have made it a point to call my mom as infrequently as possible. After every phone call though, I hope I could fulfill her wish list and maybe my next phone call will be without any questions.
My dream phone conversation with my mom would go something like this.
Me: Hi Mama, How are you?
Mama: Am good Son. Your father an I are so proud of you because you are not suffering from hair loss, you are cooking and eating green vegetables, and you are fit as fit can be!
Me....
Mama....
Nothing to talk!
Me: Okay. Thanks. Well hope you are doing fine.
Mama: Yes we are.
Me: Bye then. Talk to you soon.
.......
Well, I know that will never happen. And as instantly as light would allow, I choose to forget it! No use fighting my mom's frets.
I guess moms are custom-made to fret like this. They believe they know their kids so well that they foresee the problems. My "questionnaire -nemesis" over the years have been:
Age 17 -21 : College, Hostel ---
1. What are you eating? You must eat green vegetables.
2. Why are you not studying?
My Question: 1. Can you send me some money?
Age 22 -24: Working, Away from home but in India
1. Do you need some money?
2. What are you eating these days?
3. Watch your weight. You must go to the gym.
My Question: 1. How are you?
Age 25 - 27: Away from India
1. Hair loss?
2. Gym?
3. What are you eating? Stop eating junk food.
My Question: 1. How are you?
So, over the years, my mom's nightmares have been changing. That's good. It's good to note that I have NOT ever been bothered by far more dreaded questions like:
1. Girls to date, to marry
2. Job n career
3. God n spirituality
4. Money
....
Maybe these n few more surprises will follow in the near to distant future phone calls.
Till then tring tring.
English translation follows....tring tring..
Me: Hello mama, Appu here.
Mama: Hi Appu, How are you?
Me: How are you? Am Okay.
Mama: What have you cooked today?
Me: Nothing, just woke up!
Mama: You must stop eating junk food.
Me: ?
Mama: I am extremely worried about your hair loss.
Mama: It must be Saturday there. Why don't you go to gym?
Now I lag with my answers....
Me: Am thinking I will become bald, shiny bald.
Mama: I know somebody who knows somebody who can help with the hair loss.
Vain attempt to change topic ---
Me: How's everybody else doing?
Mama: You must cook your own food?
Me: I think I like my job very much.
Mama: You have to control your weight.
TRAPPED...the only way out.....I'll call you later, bye, goodnight
.....
Ever since I left home, (it's been 10 years) I have made it a point to call my mom as infrequently as possible. After every phone call though, I hope I could fulfill her wish list and maybe my next phone call will be without any questions.
My dream phone conversation with my mom would go something like this.
Me: Hi Mama, How are you?
Mama: Am good Son. Your father an I are so proud of you because you are not suffering from hair loss, you are cooking and eating green vegetables, and you are fit as fit can be!
Me....
Mama....
Nothing to talk!
Me: Okay. Thanks. Well hope you are doing fine.
Mama: Yes we are.
Me: Bye then. Talk to you soon.
.......
Well, I know that will never happen. And as instantly as light would allow, I choose to forget it! No use fighting my mom's frets.
I guess moms are custom-made to fret like this. They believe they know their kids so well that they foresee the problems. My "questionnaire -nemesis" over the years have been:
Age 17 -21 : College, Hostel ---
1. What are you eating? You must eat green vegetables.
2. Why are you not studying?
My Question: 1. Can you send me some money?
Age 22 -24: Working, Away from home but in India
1. Do you need some money?
2. What are you eating these days?
3. Watch your weight. You must go to the gym.
My Question: 1. How are you?
Age 25 - 27: Away from India
1. Hair loss?
2. Gym?
3. What are you eating? Stop eating junk food.
My Question: 1. How are you?
So, over the years, my mom's nightmares have been changing. That's good. It's good to note that I have NOT ever been bothered by far more dreaded questions like:
1. Girls to date, to marry
2. Job n career
3. God n spirituality
4. Money
....
Maybe these n few more surprises will follow in the near to distant future phone calls.
Till then tring tring.
3 comments:
Hahahaha I can almost imagine Aunty saying that..she's so cute and you should definitely listen to her :-) Loved the ideal conversation part..the day that happens the world will decide to end!
Ideal conversation? ha u poor child...don't u know the alias for the word "ideal conversation with mom"?? its "fictional" !!
Nice read though..howled out loud at the expression u may have had when u went "?".
:D
Post a Comment